Sickness With You
by Yoink Daydurfurits
Summary: Draco tells Harry how he feels and has felt in a letter. (Slash and vulgar language) one-shot H/D


Story: Sickness  
Warnings: Slash (boy/boy love); vulgar language; agnst  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the characters are NOT MINE! I don't own anything, J.K. Rowling does.   
Summary: Draco tells Harry what he felt and still feels in a letter.   
  
**--**--**  
  
  
I'm sick of this.   
  
I'm sick of trying to tell you everything and you never believing me.  
  
I'm sick of you doubting me.  
  
I'm sick of you lying to me.  
  
I'm sick of hearing your lies.  
  
I'm sick of trying to prove myself to the one I shouldn't have too.  
  
I'm just sick of everything.  
  
How can I be expected to understand everything in a blink of an eye?  
  
You can't, or rather, you won't.  
  
Hell, it took you three years to understand that I wasn't going to cheat on you because you were to fucking insecure.   
  
Or that it took you three months to believe me when I said I wanted to be with you longer than a year, longer than two years, just because you said it was your worst nightmare for someone to leave you.  
  
You still doubt it, and you're driving me away.  
  
You keep saying 'Give me time' but I don't have that much time. I don't have much time at all and now you're getting on my nerves.  
  
I'm wearing down and all you are doing is thinking of yourself.  
  
You feel bad, so you blame me.  
  
You are hurt, and I'm at fault.  
  
You don't understand, so I must have confused you.  
  
You doubt, and you bitch at me because I can't prove myself to you.  
  
Well guess what?   
  
Fuck you.  
  
I'm won't do it anymore. It's not all about you, you, YOU! The world doesn't revolve around you anymore, and I don't think it ever has.  
  
Sure, you were the "alive one," you were the golden boy, hell, you were even a fucking saint to some people, but you aren't to me. Not anymore.  
  
You changed, and not for the better.  
  
I used to be able to see the love in your eyes. I used to be able to see a fire behind those shining eyes, and the light in your soul. I used to look past your eyes and into your heart, past your masks and to what you truly were.   
  
But things change.  
  
I said it before, but I'm saying it again, you changed. You changed and now I see no love in your eyes. I see no fire from the once shining eyes or light in your soul. I can no longer see your heart or look past your masks. I can only see doubt, fear, annoyance, and anxiety.   
  
I don't know what to expect from you anymore.  
  
So I'm giving up.  
  
You win.   
  
Your "worst nightmare" has come true.   
  
I'm going to leave.  
  
Hell, I'm already gone.  
  
There's really nothing you can do about it either.  
  
I know you realized this, but you can't believe it.  
  
Believe it though, because I'm not coming back.   
  
Remember?  
  
I've given up.   
  
I've done what you have done to me.   
  
I've shattered your world and now it's your turn.  
  
Do you feel hurt? Pained? Unworthy? Unloved?   
  
I hope you do, because that's exactly what you put me through. I never felt loved by you, or comforted, or safe with you for almost two years.   
  
Ever since you gave up.  
  
But no matter how much pain I went through, I always hoped you would come around and be happy again. Happy like you were when we first got together, or when we went out on our dates, or when you told your friends you were in love.   
  
Even now I wish you to be happy, but I also wish you to feel all the pain I felt because you deserve it. You deserve every bit of it.   
  
From happiness, to joy, to hate, to love, to helplessness, to despair, to hurt, to pain, to joy all over again, you deserve it and I hope you receive all of them.   
  
Until then, get better and maybe, maybe, come and find me one day. We may still be able to patch things up.   
  
Because I still love you no matter what.   
  
Through hell and back again, from your hate to your pain, I will always love you because you always believed in me in some way.  
  
Goodbye,  
  
Draco Potter-Malfoy  
  
**Author's Note** Yeah, that was it. No flames please, it's my first angst ever written and my first Harry Potter fic and I just wanted to do a flippie thing. Anyways, hope someone liked it and review please! 


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